sometimes i hate being happy cause some way somehow, some mf will try to bring my mood down. as much as i hate to admit it, they usually succeed. it affects me no matter how many times i remind myself that it's not worth the time & effort. it occurs to me that their sole mission in life is to piss me off. they just turn up like that proverbial unlucky penny, they pop up everywhere. i just can't bloody shake them off.

argh i'm extremely annoyed that i've got a firm hold on my temper that i start scolding & swearing the mf in my head instead of hurling verbal abuse straight into that sob's face. i don't why but it happens and it happens damn frequently. in the end, i just earn myself a fucking headache and that pisses me off very, very much.

why is that when i'm angry, i walk away? why can't i just say what's on my mind, shoot my mouth off in the heat of the moment? to scream and engage in some hair-pulling, at least. to give in to the temptation to blast it all out in one shot and get it done and over with in the bloody open.

i've always joked about wanting to get involved in some petty bitch fights but when the opportunity arrives, i walk away. ugh think it's pretty cowardly but i can't help it. it's reflex and it's in me, i guess, to avoid confrontations or something. i don't know. then after i have my round in the head, i calm down and guess what? i start finding excuses as to why the asshole had behaved that way and that i should find it within the goodness of my soul to forgive the blood-sucking bitch and let bygones be bygones. like wtf is wrong with me, seriously.

i keep holding it inside until i can't take it anymore then i explode. wait, i don't remember being really really fucking angry before, much less exploding to bits. yes, i've been really annoyed like i've got something stuck up my ass but i've yet to experience that full-blown red-hot rage. oh god it must be liberating to get things off your chest, i can't wait for the time to come.

dang, i totally forgot what i was angry about already ugh. tell me, am i hopeless or what? -bangs head against wall.